Friday, December 29, 2006

A Pair of Durrrrs

Anyone else starting to feel like Eli Manning and George W. Bush are living wickedly similar lives right now?

I'll admit straight from the top that this analogy, like its creator, has a ton of flaws. Chief among them is the easy "stage of career" retort, which is an irrefutably valid point. Nonetheless, just look at these two guys and tell me they don't share a couple of dominant traits, not the least of which is a look of constipated retardation that conveys nothing but unfettered confidence in their abilities.

Both men come from good stock -- famous fathers, more capable brothers -- and were probably directed by the haunting of a family's legacy into their current positions. Each was talked into taking sweet can't-miss jobs with cool perks that suddenly turned to shit; Georgie wanted to be the leader of the free world, Eli a superstar in New York and man about town like Derek Jeter.

But along the way it went bad for them, mostly by their inabilities to effectively marshal the troops, and now it looks neither man wants to be in his own skin. Both convey that childlike "I don't wanna get out of bed, mom" look more often than a kid with a math test, and it looks as if each would trade in everything great in their lives to get the fuck out of the mess they're in cleanly and easily. Each, however, has preached a "stay the course" strategy with no tangible results to show.

You can just see the already dim lights inside them die a little more each day. Just watch the expressions on both their faces when they fuck up royally and tell me they're not cut from an eerily similar cloth. I don't know where one can find the cloth that you cut to get a retarded monkey, but its out there somewhere.


At 12:36 PM, Blogger ethan said...

i couldn't be happier for the whale's vagina that they are winning with rivers instead of eli.

i'd also like to start the rumor that tiki is retiring because he knows the g-men will never be a great team with manning at the helm.

At 4:38 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

i'd like to start the rumor that tiki is retiring because he's secretly afraid of retards.

At 5:27 PM, Blogger a leather glove said...

I'd like to start the rumor that Tiki is retiring because he's sick of playing in the same stadium as Chad Sexington for home games, even though it's not even in the same state as the team.

I'd also like to start the rumor that don fiedler is scared of using caps when replying (or just scared of re-typing the same thing so it's capped correctly).

I'd also like to start the rumor that the federal mint has passed a rule that makes it illegal to melt down pennies and nickels, since the metal used to make them is now worth more than actual value of the coin. Actually, that's not a rumor, it's true.

At 3:02 PM, Blogger The Bourbon Samurai said...

Now I have to return my home copper-smelting apparatus. Dang.

At 6:16 PM, Blogger Lozo said...

i can't wait till the jets lose to the raiders.

At 11:25 AM, Anonymous Greg said...

When you have LT, does it really matter if you have Philip Rivers or Joan Rivers?

As for Eli, I'd really like to see how he would do with a new coaching staff. There's a way to get consistency out of him, but these guys just ain't doing it, and really I think that's a pretty important part of being a coach... Bill Walsh always used to say that if he could see it from you once, he could get it from you again, which is a big part of why the 49ers did so well stockpiling mid to late round draft picks for a few years there.


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