Monday, January 22, 2007

Colts Take Advantage of Caldwell's Boners

What a wild day for football fans, a Championship Sunday that like a pregnant woman with a slowly descending fetus, finally delivered.

The Patriots/Colts affair lived up to the massive hype, and the constant switch in momentum in both games provided an incredible sporting backdrop to my family's unconscionably tardy Hanukkah party. This year, the NFL gave us the gift of excitement. And latkes. (Incidentally, Delayed Latkes would be a great band name.)

The day wasn't quite as great for Pats' wideout Reche Caldwell, though. The former Gator dropped two surefire catches, one in the end zone and another while wide open on the sideline in Colts' territory. His wide-open bungles begot wide-eyed stares, and thusly he's earned the unflattering nickname "The Runaway Bride."

This poor schlub looks just like Jennifer Wilbanks, dudn't he? Caldwell should falsely claim a Hispanic male and a white woman in a blue van conspired to make him drop them. Ese.

Bring on the Hype, sports media...bring out yer dead. It's time for the inevitable fortnight of stories about Peyton Manning's back monkey, Brian Urlacher's grittiness, The Super Bowl Shuffle, Rex Grossman's shoddy quarterbacking, darker-than-usual head coaches and Adam Vinatieri's gold-plated foot. I'm ready for it, and I'm excited for it.

Slack Link of the Day: Since we're talking manly man football shit today, here's the best headline on Drudge right now: "Man Leggings Take Runway in Milan." The lede of the piece is even sweeter: "Now I know there are many out there who will think I have lost it when I write that a key, new must-have for men this coming fall will be a pair of leggings to be worn outside, not just in, the house, but that was the big message at the debut Marni men's runway show this morning in Milan." Fashion is catching up to my style for once.

Slack EPL Goal of the Weekend: Now to the other football...Sunday also featured a match-up of fourth place hosting the Premiership leader, the hottest team in Cup competition versus the strongest in League action, Arsenal needing a victory to retain their spot in the table and keep pace with the top three, Manchester United wanting a win to lock up a near insurmountable lead over Chelsea, which got jackhammered by Liverpool on Saturday and demonstrated why John Terry is the most valuable player in the world.

The 2-1 Arsenal victory was nothing short of extraordinary, a match that would've made a fan out of the biggest soccer haters. Ordinarily I just put one goal in this here space, and today it would easily be Thierry Henry's unbelievable header in the 93rd minute. But this thing was so frenetic and action-packed that I figured I'd post the entire four minutes of highlights: You can watch the whole clip here, which I recommend quite strenuously.

As a close second, at least with my Reds bias, check out Jermaine Pennant's fantastic strike from just outside the area, his first for the club. Oh, and I'm less than a week away from a five-match, seven-day trip to England and Wales. Yahtzee.

Slack Song of the Day: For the Arcade Fire fans out there, you can already download Saturday night's unannounced show from the basement of St. Michel Church in Montreal, the night after they played a high school cafeteria in Ottawa. Pretty cool shit, hipsters.


At 9:13 AM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

Was that Reche Caldwell's little fishing boat that was mowed in half by Al Czervik's yacht in Caddyshack?

At 9:31 AM, Blogger hoobs said...

I thought he was trying to do his best Darrell Hammond-inspired Jesse Jackson impersonation.

At 11:34 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

We've got a new Crazy Eyez Killah.

At 12:00 PM, Blogger ethan said...

you're my caucasian, ace.

At 12:04 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, this made of...floor shit.

At 1:16 PM, Blogger Mr. Underhill said...

Quote of the evening - from OkayCantor: "Yeah, they need to take the camera off him - his eyes are making me nauseous."

At 3:42 PM, Blogger spinachdip said...

I can watch Henry's goal celebration over and over and over again. If I could sell my soul to the devil, I'd do it so I could be Henry for just that moment.

All in all, not a bad sports weekend - the two big Premiership fixtures went exactly the way I wanted, and as much as it's fun to rag on Peyton, the "Brady's the winner and Peyton's the loser" story had run its course.

At 4:00 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

I knew Henry was going to score as soon as Rooney stole the Thierry's celebration slide following Man Utd. going up one - nil. Not a smart move, but what can you expect from a pikie.

At 5:02 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

I thought Chelsea looked good in taking a crap on the pitch at Anfield. Lots of ruffage there.

If Chelsea falls to the Forest in the FA Cup 4th Round and no one sees it, will it make a sound? Ace and I will be there to let you know.

Anyone else got a permaboner for this trip?

At 6:55 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

That's Reche Caldwell? I just thought that I had on my anti-alien glasses.

At 7:40 PM, Blogger bigshoulders said...

that's hilarious. that Caldwell is one crazy-eyed-butterfingered-killah. LOL.


At 11:08 AM, Blogger I.M. Kulardenu & U Know It! said...

And here is your number one reason the Colts are even in the Super Bowl!


Post a Comment

<< Home