Friday, January 05, 2007

Good Riddance To Bad Rubbish

On the heels of the Randy Johnson trade, I've got another derivative idea for those original independent thinkers known as network executives: Who Wants To Fellate Brian Cashman?

I think it'd be a big hit among Yankees fans, at the very least. Has anyone done a better job this offseason than Cash? By smartly dealing the Janet Reno-voiced Unit, Angry Dragon Sheff and Ball Magnet Wright, our wholly underrated general manager's shed $36 million from the payroll and banished three guys that were probably going to subtract from the well-being of the 2007 Yankees.

More importantly, in return for these castoffs (two of which weren't going to be offered a chance to re-sign), the Yankees welcomed to its club six minor-leaguers that by all accounts look promising at worst, Young Chris Britton, and middle reliever Luis Vizcaino. So even after the combined $20 million Andy Eugene Buttchin and Nipponese Igawa signings, the Yanks shaved about $16 million in salary and stockpiled a host of young talent like John Mark Karr.

That leaves the Yanks with room for the Rocket, a deal I'm sure will get done some time in the next few weeks. Jeff Karstens, Darrell Rasner and (hopefully not) Carl Pavano can certainly fill in as the fifth starter until Clemens gets ready to pitch, and with Das Wunderkind Phil Hughes on the horizon, all of a sudden the club looks ready for this year and beyond.

At a time when everyone and their foul-mouthed Southie mother is doubting the Boy Wonder & Co. up in Fenway, it's nice to know the Yanks are returning to the Stick Michael School for Awesome Baseball Management (a subsidiary of Building World Championship Teams, LLC). Pitchers and catchers can't come soon enough.

Slack Video of the Day: Just like the Lazy Monday follow-up to Lazy Sunday, the Dick In a Box derivatives are starting to flow like menstrual hemoglobin. Up first, My Box in a Box, by this chick with seriously nice cleavage. The video otherwise is a solid "meh."

Slack Video of the Day II: An fairly oldie but a definite goodie, here's a vid of Jack Black offering blowjobs like a common street hooker.

Slack HT Plug of the Day: If you'll remember kindly, last year I did a whole recap of the live shows I saw in 2005. I managed to one-up myself this past year, though, seeing 86 live performances by 59 different bands at 60 ticketed shows in 37 separate venues. Check out my Top Ten favorites from 2006 over on the musical playground.

Slack Song of the Day: Today we're hittin' youse up with Freedom of 76 and Don't Shit Where You Eat by Ween.

10 Comments:

At 1:07 PM, Blogger Lozo said...

the yankees shaving $36 million of their payroll is like the 1,000-pound man who needs a wall removed and a crane to be lifted from his apartment being happy if he lost 10 pounds.

and calling cashman underrated is laughable. throw some of his best moves out there that didn't involve writing a gigantic check. yeah, he's a genius. he's made more terrible moves in his tenure than kenny williams. and that's saying a lot.

 
At 2:14 PM, Anonymous Patrick Walsh said...

x

 
At 5:10 PM, Blogger Midwesterner in NYC said...

I dont know, I know Yankee fans feel RJ was terrible here but when I heard he was on the trading block my first thought was "Hmm I would love to see the Cardnials get him". And dont give me the Yankees have a higher standard since the Cards are the defending champs right now. Though by all accounts the guy is a jerk and it is better off he is gone.

 
At 3:58 AM, Blogger Snacks said...

Everyone is talking about baseball today. I was listening to NY sports radio and they were discussing the Mets starting rotation.

I love the 1,000 pound man analogy.

Also, I always found the 2006 MLB team salary list (as of opening day) very interesting:

1. New York Yankees $198,662,180
2. Boston Red Sox $120,100,524
3. Los Angeles Angels $103,625,333
4. Chicago White Sox $102,875,667
5. New York Mets $100,901,085
6. Los Angeles Dodgers $99,176,950
7. Chicago Cubs $94,841,167
8. Houston Astros $92,551,503
9. Atlanta Braves $92,461,852
10. San Francisco Giants $90,862,063

The Yankees are about 65% higher than the 2nd ranked salary. Also, in a sign of equality, the 3rd through 10th ranked salaries are within approximately 15% of each other. (The Cardinals and Tigers are 11th and 14th, respectively).

Fuck the Yankees!

 
At 9:40 AM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

What do you want us to do? Give the money back? Cashman is correcting Tampa's mistakes. We can be happy about replenishing our farm system by spinning off declining vets. If you haven't noticed, we haven't won too much in the playoffs lately with declining vets. But don't expect us to cede our tremendous financial advantage. Take that up with the legislature, Miss Venable.

 
At 10:45 AM, Blogger Snacks said...

Actually, you are giving the money back. I'm pretty sure the Yankeese are the only team paying a luxury tax.

 
At 12:37 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I've been feeling a little selfish lately, and I was looking to start a charity this year. Maybe I'll plan a gala event benefit for the Mets, Snacks. Those poor, poor bastards.

Whining about those more fortunate never goes out of style.

 
At 4:01 PM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

"The Yankees are about 65% higher than the 2nd ranked salary. Also, in a sign of equality, the 3rd through 10th ranked salaries are within approximately 15% of each other."

A sign of equality? The 3rd through 10th teams are 65% higher than the bottom 5 salaries and 45% more than 17 through 24. The truth is that major league payrolls seem to be set up in a fairly normal distribution with Yankees all alone on one end and the Marlins on the other and most of the teams clumped together in the middle paying 65 Mil to 95 Mil. My Brewers are way down at 24th, paying 57 Million. It sucks. But still, there is more parity in baseball than in most sports.

 
At 11:04 PM, Blogger NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I love me some Ween.

 
At 11:29 PM, Anonymous Greg said...

While the RJ trade was pretty much what everyone wanted, the return really wasn't much at all... none of the 3 is anything special, although I like Vizcaino OK, and the contract relief isn't nearly as big a deal since it's only one year... having Randy Johnson for a single year at 16 million or whatever he's getting isn't really all that terrible. He pretty much "had to be traded" of course, but I still think he'll have a decent year if he's somewhat healthy. Even last year, he pitched better than a 5.00 ERA would indicate.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home