Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Great Literature Can Be Like Coffee

Everyone does it. Everyone that stands on the subway inevitably looks down and checks out what the person sitting down closest to you is reading. It's the golden rule of Public Transportation Voyeurism: Take a peek at others' source materials.

I stepped onto the A train just after 8:30 am, about four minutes into the newly released Headphone Jam from the popular rock band Pheesh. The train was emptier than usual, but I still chose to stand, as I often do on the subway. I picked a spot by myself in the doorway and began to rock out (with my cock in) to my latest download. That is, until I looked down at this girl's book and saw the word "pussy." Wait, really? Does that say Den of Pleasure at the top of the page?

So I squinted and began to take a closer look at her novel. Sure enough, not only did it have the third word in O.P.P. right there on the page, but it even said "wet pussy."

I was intrigued. Here was a young professional-looking black girl riding the subway, publicly displaying her love of erotic 8:30 in the morning. I mean, some people need coffee to wake up, some choose soda or hot chocolate, but this chick apparently needs a tale of erotica involving a throbbing member and a squeeze of the buttocks to get her going. Maybe all it takes to really wake up is reading the sentence "'I wanna fuck you,' I mouthed to her."

We approached 34th Street and the doors behind me opened, so I switched to the other side of the car. Now I had a clear look at the front of the book, which featured a naked black woman wrapped tightly in the embrace of (I think) Jorge Posada. And it appears that Den of Pleasure's either the name of a chapter within the book or a smaller story within a collection...

For in big fancy cursive letters right underneath the racy photo, the title of this tome stared me right in the face: Caramel Flava.

Ain't nothing as hot as a hot cup of Caramel Flava in the morning.

Slack Link of the Day: You know what goes really well with Popeye's fried chicken? Razor blades! (You thought I was gonna say something else, you racist fuck.) See, the Colonel never gave up his secret ingredient, and look how well that worked out. Meanwhile, next time maybe they should stay away from a side called "dirty rice."

Slack Video of the Day: From the spotless desk of Dr. JB Hoobs, check out these cool videos of indie rock band Tapes 'n Tapes in Paris -- I wish I could read French, considering the website these clips are on seems pretty effin' cool.

Slack Song of the Day: Horns aplenty this afternoon, let's play around with the Dirty Dozen Brass Band for some fun: The Flintstones Meets the President (Meets The Dirty Dozen), Mardi Gras in New Orleans, and Who Took the Happiness Out?


At 3:03 PM, Blogger Lozo said...

jorge posada has me laughing my ass off. that's lmao to you kids out there.

At 3:30 PM, Blogger Chilly Jackwater said... smell that? I it be? I, I think I smell Gawker!

By the way, I found "Caramel Flava" to lack the wit and taste of some of the other works in Zane's ouevre. Take a "Get Buck Wild: Sex Chronicles II" or a "Heatseekers", for example, where character development really drive the story to a more fulfilling - dare I say? - climax.

At 5:01 PM, Blogger Chuck said...

that's nuts...but more importantly, how's the headphones jam?

At 5:20 PM, Anonymous Nodnoc said...

hip, hip, hilarious

At 5:29 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

The Headphones Jam is pretty sweet -- download it. One, it's for charity; two, it costs $8; three, it's a NEW Phish jam you've never heard.

Chilly, any truth to the rumor that these books were actually written by Zane Smith (foreword by Stan Belinda, introduction by Bob Walk)?

At 6:19 PM, Blogger Passion of the Weiss said...

I need to move to New York City. That's all there is to it.

At 12:16 AM, Blogger Lilla Smutzig said...


At 5:52 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

C train, 7:45 A, one month after moving to NYC from politically correct Seattle: elderly african-american woman (guessing 78-82) reading "Every Thug Needs a Lady." This thug had his two ladies in pink panty-and-bra sets rubbing his shoulders. By the eyebrow raises and chuckles of this sweet old grandmother type, I could tell. She was getting her rocks off on the C train at 7:45 A. I always have eggs and coffee, but I know what I get like without them. I left the old lady and her porn alone.

At 9:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yo, Rocket Science, get the fuck out of the doorway.


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