Thursday, January 11, 2007

Where's Ed Sullivan When Ya Need'm?

Teenage girls and rabid homosexters of these United States, your day has arrived: David Beckham has agreed to play for the L.A. Galaxy.

This is a great move for both parties, a real no-brainer, a total Schiavo. The benefactors of Major League Soccer need to stop deluding themselves into believing it's a viable league for American talent, which it's not, and this is the first step towards that realization. The MLS must drop any model centered around US talent and become a two-pronged feeder and taker system.

First, we recruit the best talent from Latin America that isn't good enough to sign with a European club, and then we train them and shop them, becoming a feeder league for this young Latin American talent to the now-intersted European clubs. That's a revenue generator, both in terms of transfer window money and getting even more Hispanic butts in seats, which at this point seems to be the only fanbase for soccer in the States. Getting Americans to the matches, well, that's where guys like Beckham come into the fray...

The MLS then needs to go Cosmos and get as many washed-up or past-their-prime European players like Becks to come over here and finish their careers in America. Beckham is a commodity in the MLS in every way (skill and marketability), but he's finished across the pond. The trick is to snatch up guys like Becks and Luis Figo and Ronaldo in two years and anyone else who doesn't quite have it any more, and line them up with the young Hispanics and handful of Americans not good enough to play elsewhere. That's a commercially viable league.

In my amateur opinion, today's news is the initial step towards this plan, and it's incredibly important to young US stars like Clint Dempsey and Eddie Johnson, who may finally get their shot overseas. The MLS cannot continue to hold back talented Americans from playing in Europe if it ever wants to see US Soccer compete on the world stage. Our international program won't be in the same class as the rest of the world until we let those guys go to Europe and get the real-time, fast-paced training they need to compete.

I know, nobody cares. But now Posh Spice will live in California, and that's cool. I, for one, welcome our new British overlords.

(For a somewhat differing opinion of this Becks issue, check out the second half of this point from the always on-point That's On Point.)

Slack Link of the Day: The television in my bedroom is somewhat broken, but not quite. It doesn't play sound out of the cable box, but I can watch DVDs with no issue. So every night for the last two weeks I've fallen asleep to a different movie from my collection -- last night it was Tommy Boy, which still manages to crack me up to no end.

What a coincidence, though, when our boy Fritz sent me a link to this article (with pics!) about a Moooose landing in the front seat of a car. I swear I've seen a lot of stuff in my life, but that...was...awesome. Sorry 'bout your car, man, that sucks.

Slack Video of the Day: My Liverpool guru over at The Red Cauldron posted this on Monday, but I forgot to get it up until now. Wanna see an aawesome middle-school slapfest from the world of professional soccer? Seriously, take every pussy fight you ever saw when you were 10 and multiply it by 100 because these guys are adults on national television. Fabiano v. Diogo, The Kickball Fight.

Slack Song of the Day: I threw in Rushmore the other night for the first time in at least a year, and it reminded me of how absolutely amazing that movie was and is. The acting, the script, the cinematography, the whole nine, just a perfect flick. And, of course, the soundtrack is incredible. In a nod to Wes & Co. this morning, here's the Faces' Ooh La La. And because I love the Faces' work, here's a bonus version of Bad 'n Ruin.


At 12:59 PM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

As long as the Fire sign Aireagba II next year, I'll be the happiest yankee bloke peeping the teley to see the lads boot the footy around during a match on pitch in the whole bloody pub! Pints of Old Git on the house, Governa'!

(no idea what that means.)

Brothers don't shake hands... BROTHERS GOTTA HUG!

At 1:52 PM, Blogger spinachdip said...

Pssshhht, who cares about Beckham's bending free kicks and pinpoint crosses when the Red Bull will be getting Claudio Reyna's steady midfield play and frequent injuries?

At 2:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

For anyone interested, I have an update from the smoker story Ace posted yesterday:

The gentleman returned to the group today, granted 10 minutes late (it is that interesting of a group). The group members were in the middle of sharing how much they had smoked, efforts at quitting, blah, blah. This gentleman then shared his story, stating that he can't quit all together and keeps bumming from folks. The he opened his mouth in a wide small, baring his three beautiful yellow teetch, pointed at me and said, "That was funny!" I smiled back, nodded my head, and that's all that was made of it.

A true gentleman, he is indeed, to not call a brother out... Then we went and mainlined some H after the group.

At 3:15 PM, Blogger The [Cherry] Ride said...

While I think your analysis is excellent, I believe the motivation for this move is far less calculated. I think Posh Spice has been pushing to move to Hollywood for years.

I disagree that having her here is good thing. It is the opposite. Posh Spice in England was about the only thing we could make fun of the UK for.

At 3:47 PM, Anonymous Velvet Sea is a sweeper said...

i think the world cup proved that there is interest in soccer beyond just the hispanic market. let's resurrect shep messing from beyond the grave!

At 4:48 PM, Blogger Sisto said...

When did they start playing soccer in America? I totally missed that one.

At 4:58 PM, Blogger a leather glove said...

"When did they start playing soccer in America? I totally missed that one."

It's on the Ocho, bookended by Bear Baiting and Cock Fighting.

At 7:37 PM, Anonymous SpanishMiguel said...

Nothing squeaks by you, Ace! I'd been meaning to let you know about that amazingly hilarious Diogo/Fabiano (nice name) slapfest, and you beat me to it!

As for your Beckham analysis, I'll only say that MLS is still not a viable league for young Latino talent - leagues in Argentina and Brazil are still worlds better than MLS. I mean, most MLS teams play on football fields with the yard markers and endzones still painted on the grass - clearly second-rate.

One more thing, Ace - there's a fantastic 10-minute interview of Posh and Becks conducted by Ali G some years back. i believe it's on youtube. Highlights include, "Now Beckham, we know you're famous for having a truly unique fashion sense..." [crowd laughs] "But seriously, how can you wear that England football shirt?"

At 10:11 PM, Blogger Russell Kahn said...

Damnit, are we doing a Wes Anderson screening session without me?

"Ooh La La" was one of the big dance songs from my wedding--if only because I want to live my life like that movie.

At 10:13 PM, Blogger Russell Kahn said...

I should add that, for the first time in my life, I went online to inquire about MLS tickets/schedule.

This move got me--a rabid baseball fan and a half-assed sports fan in all other ways--totally interested in going to see a game.

It's definitely a smart move.

At 12:01 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Spanish, a lot squeaks by me, but not that video, and not the Becks and Posh with Ali G video either. I actually posted that here about two years ago.

As for the MLS thing, I didn't mean it was gonna be a viable league tomorrow. But with time, I think they can develop this model. No more, no less.

Russ, let's get the Wes Screenings back in business...

At 3:35 PM, Blogger Boski93 said...

He is no George Best.


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