WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?!?
For those of you that haven't seen the two-night, four-hour season premiere of the popular Fox drama 24 yet, please don't read this post.
There are spoilers contained herewithin, and I recommend you avert your eyes if you want to remain surprised when you eventually watch it. If you wish to opt out, feel free to click this link here, which will take you to the post below this one. If you wish to proceed, please continue below the awesome Bauer photo...
The Communist Chinee* government held Jack Bauer as an enemy combatant prisoner for two years, where he didn't speak a single word for the duration of his stay and was tortured daily, leaving hideous scars all over his length-challenged torso.
Since his release a mere four hours ago, Bauer spoke his first word in two years and shaved his playoff beard. Good start, that's what I'd do. He's also been sacrificed to a terrorist organization by the New President Palmer, he was tortured severely, he bit through a person's neck veins and killed him to escape custody, he rescued a terrorist from an immediate incoming military air strike, he kicked a suicide bomber off a subway to save the passengers as the bomb exploded, he created an intentional high-speed car accident with a suspect, he ushered a known terrorist into political negotiations with the United States and then he shot and killed a CTU colleague and friend with a bullet to the throat in order to defend that terrorist. Oh yeah, then a nuclear bomb exploded because he couldn't find it fast enough.
Got all that?
I don't know, I think he's making this Missouri kid look like a pansy. Kid's been out a few days and he barely even smiles -- one thing is for certain, that 15-year-old weakling is no Jack Bauer.
Look, I love 24. It's easily the most suspenseful television show I can remember, probably the most suspenseful of my lifetime. I'm on board, I've been on board, I'll watch it as like it as long as it's part of regular weekly programming. But I never get the people that call it the "greatest show on television." Again, it's a dynamite thriller, and it's great, but dear lord, the acting is basically the "greatest piece of elephant dung wrapped in burnt garbage on television."
Pedro Serrano's awful acting as President has been replaced by his television brother, and now the Guy from Ally McBeal has decided to add his own brand of horrendous thespian skills to the proceedings. The old standbys are as poor and unwatchable as ever, but whose decision was it to bring fucking Kumar into the fold?
Kumar, from the White Castle picture? The one with Doogie Howser?
Hey, I can tolerate the sudden shift to drama from Jim Carrey and Tom Hanks, and I guess even Adam Sandler. But Kumar as a suburban terrorist? Who thought it was a smart idea to cast the guy who will forever be best remembered as a cheetah-riding, blunt-smoking, pube-trimming stoner with the mini-burger munchies and the sex-starved Indian protege of Van Wilder as the serious-as-balls "soldier of war?" You gotta be shitting me. What, Rip Taylor and Rita Rudner weren't available to play the terrorist's parents in this one?
Having said all that, awesome premiere. Good stuff, I'm hooked.
(*not racist, read your Heinlein)