Art + Slides = Museums Rock
You thought we were finished with the Great United Kingdom Recap, didn't ya? No, our little experiment in exhibitionism meets voyeurism ain't done, and it's high time we returned to my Anglophilic douchebaggery disguised as subpar blogging.
To make matters worse, I'm gonna go all Artsy Johnson on you with this one. Okay, not really. I was told I had to get to the Tate Modern while touring London, something I had already planned but needed some motivation to actually accomplish. Modern art on a soccer trip? It was 50/50. But three of my friends had just returned from our jolly ol' mercantile motherland, and they informed me of a surprise that'd await us should we follow through on our plans.
My mind went nuts. A can't-miss surprise? Maybe Sir Elton John and his wife Dame Olivia Newton-John are playing the lobby! Maybe they have real pterodactyls flying around the main floor! Maybe the GEICO Cavemen sing showtunes for passersby! Possibilities: endless.
As it turned out, the surprise was even cooler than promised: They had fucking slides. The Tate featured working, curvy, fast-paced shiny metallic tubes like waterless waterslides that patrons could take from the third, fourth and fifth floors all the way to the bottom. For free. This was too good to be true, and Don and I couldn't wait to try these fuckers out. Come on and take a free riiiide.
As it turns out, the slides are free, but you still need a ticket with a reserved time stamped on it to ride down. And since the fourth and fifth floors were jam-packed and we didn't have all the time in the world, we could only do the third-floor slide. Still, better than nothing. Below, check out Don's launching into the slide.
And now for the moment nobody's been waiting for, here's a full clip I took of my eight-second Ride Down the Tate Slide.
And, praise Jebus, your ol' pal Ace makes it out the other side:
You cannot misunderestimate for one second how cool it is to see a Dali and a Rothko and a Jackson Pollack (or is it Jackson Hewitt?) and then slide down a metal chute to get your checked coat. This might be the greatest museum installation of all time, albeit temporary. It only lasted eight seconds, but I'll keep that one for a lifetime.
One the way home from the Tate we passed this place: I'm 99.44 percent certain that the entire menu consists of pudding pops and black-on-black racism. Just reporting what I heard.
Gotta love it...I can only hope all the waiters wear Cosby sweaters.
Slack Link of the Day: Former Masshole Governor Mitt Romney has officially tossed his hat in the ring for the 2008 Presidential Election. I mentioned this possibility in a December 2005 post, and I stand by what I said then: "There's one flaw in this plan, and it's a huge flaw. Romney is, um, Mormon. And conventional wisdom tells us there ain't no way this country is electing a fucking Latter Day Saint to the highest office in the land." First wives, though? That'd be hot.
Slack Song of the Day: Stream some Apollo Sunshine...you'll dig it.
Previous UK Posts on Slack LaLane: Joe Lieberman's Favorite Match; Contrary To What We Were Told...; I'm Back, Baby; Lamb Vindaloo Pwns Face; Checking In With You Yanks; and So Long, Ol' Chaps.