Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Art + Slides = Museums Rock

You thought we were finished with the Great United Kingdom Recap, didn't ya? No, our little experiment in exhibitionism meets voyeurism ain't done, and it's high time we returned to my Anglophilic douchebaggery disguised as subpar blogging.

To make matters worse, I'm gonna go all Artsy Johnson on you with this one. Okay, not really. I was told I had to get to the Tate Modern while touring London, something I had already planned but needed some motivation to actually accomplish. Modern art on a soccer trip? It was 50/50. But three of my friends had just returned from our jolly ol' mercantile motherland, and they informed me of a surprise that'd await us should we follow through on our plans.

My mind went nuts. A can't-miss surprise? Maybe Sir Elton John and his wife Dame Olivia Newton-John are playing the lobby! Maybe they have real pterodactyls flying around the main floor! Maybe the GEICO Cavemen sing showtunes for passersby! Possibilities: endless.

As it turned out, the surprise was even cooler than promised: They had fucking slides. The Tate featured working, curvy, fast-paced shiny metallic tubes like waterless waterslides that patrons could take from the third, fourth and fifth floors all the way to the bottom. For free. This was too good to be true, and Don and I couldn't wait to try these fuckers out. Come on and take a free riiiide.

As it turns out, the slides are free, but you still need a ticket with a reserved time stamped on it to ride down. And since the fourth and fifth floors were jam-packed and we didn't have all the time in the world, we could only do the third-floor slide. Still, better than nothing. Below, check out Don's launching into the slide.

And now for the moment nobody's been waiting for, here's a full clip I took of my eight-second Ride Down the Tate Slide.

And, praise Jebus, your ol' pal Ace makes it out the other side:

You cannot misunderestimate for one second how cool it is to see a Dali and a Rothko and a Jackson Pollack (or is it Jackson Hewitt?) and then slide down a metal chute to get your checked coat. This might be the greatest museum installation of all time, albeit temporary. It only lasted eight seconds, but I'll keep that one for a lifetime.

One the way home from the Tate we passed this place: I'm 99.44 percent certain that the entire menu consists of pudding pops and black-on-black racism. Just reporting what I heard.

Gotta love it...I can only hope all the waiters wear Cosby sweaters.

Slack Link of the Day: Former Masshole Governor Mitt Romney has officially tossed his hat in the ring for the 2008 Presidential Election. I mentioned this possibility in a December 2005 post, and I stand by what I said then: "There's one flaw in this plan, and it's a huge flaw. Romney is, um, Mormon. And conventional wisdom tells us there ain't no way this country is electing a fucking Latter Day Saint to the highest office in the land." First wives, though? That'd be hot.

Slack Song of the Day: Stream some Apollo Sunshine...you'll dig it.

Previous UK Posts on Slack LaLane: Joe Lieberman's Favorite Match; Contrary To What We Were Told...; I'm Back, Baby; Lamb Vindaloo Pwns Face; Checking In With You Yanks; and So Long, Ol' Chaps.


At 12:18 PM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

Does the museum or whoever built the slide consider it "art?" I mean, is it an exhibit or did they just say, "hey, this museum should have a slide. Cheerio. Pip pip?" Or did some "artist" build (or get commissioned to build) a "sculpture" and the museum bought it and it just so happens to be a functional giant slide?

Just curious.

At 12:25 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

It's art, in a modern sense, I guess. Read all about it here.

At 4:54 PM, Blogger Sisto said...

Speaking of art, when are you gonna give that dude his own series of articles. That cat knows music.

At 5:26 PM, Blogger Momentary Academic said...

I love the Tate. You've got style, Ace.

At 7:44 PM, Blogger mysterygirl! said...

I love that you went down the slide-- if it's there, you can't not go down it. That's way cooler than my crawling through the child-sized ant farm(? insect habitat?) at the Smithsonian Natural History museum.

At 2:58 AM, Anonymous Blip said...

That slide is wonderful. Sadly, it seems that you have to arrive in the early morning to get a ticket for the higher ones. Tate's bookshop is also insane.

At 4:52 PM, Blogger coach said...

those slides are the greatest. perfect way to see a museum - tour a floor for 30-45 minutes, ride a slide to the first floor, go back see a different wing/exhibit, ride another slide. for the record, the one on the fourth floor was the best. faster and tighter turns than the fifth floor.


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