Thursday, February 22, 2007

You'll Never Swing Alone

Bear with me through this post, then I promise I'll get back to real blogging...

I know, you're all tired of the soccer shit. But this is bigger than soccer. This is about being a huge fucking jerk. And we love that.

This is about a man with the ugliest human qualities getting a shot at fleeting redemption and improbably ending up in the history books. This is about a seemingly disheveled club coming together after a hellish weekend to score twice on foreign soil for one of the biggest victories in recent history.

This is about a guy allegedly attacking a teammate with a golf club and both of them ending up on the scoresheet, together forever like Rick Astley says, with the winning goal coming from the foot of a man who had been victimized by the very teammate who delivered him a perfect pass. You honestly can't write endings like that.

As I mentioned the other day, Craig Bellamy is a jerk. He's a bigger horse's ass than Terrell Owens with a rap sheet longer than a black man's cock. And yet he got the starting nod, even after this weekend's ridiculousness. So when he scored to level Liverpool with the defending Champions League trophy holders, the might Barthelona, he only had one thought on how to celebrate:

That's right, a Johnny Carson-style swing. He could have gone all Joe Horn on us and brought out a real golf club from somewhere on the pitch, but instead played air golf. Bloody brilliant. So let's recap: Bellamy hit Riise with a club, expressed no remorse, got the starting nod, scored a huge goal and then celebrated by swinging a fake golf club. And if that's not the greatest asshole move in sports, I'm not sure what can top it. It may be English football, but that level of dickheadedness is about American as apple pie.

Either way, huge win for my Reds. I'm not complaining.


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