Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Bong Hits 4 Jesus

You know what the best part of this whole Supreme Court case really is? All these mainstream news outlets and publications have to report those very words over and over again. Fantastic.

There's just something about seeing the words "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" splashed all over the Wall Street Journal, the New York Times and the Washington Post, hearing them dangle from the lips of several CNN anchors and high-profile legal tele-analysts, listening to people talk about them around the office. I mean, kudos bar to this kid -- it really doesn't get any better than combining the son of God with massive bong blows and getting all these serious people, including nine Supreme Court justices, to talk about it. Simply brilliant.

We gotta take this one step further somehow. I'd like to get Fiedler, Mulgrew, Starbux, Hoobs, Zebra, the Handstands, Fritzy, Matty Mac and the rest of The Jerks together for a brainstorming session about what other ludicrous banner headlines we can get everyone in the mainstream media to repeat in all seriousness. It might make my world complete to hear someone at Fox News or MSNBC use the phrase "Felching Mary Magdalene" or "Rumsfeld Loves Cleveland Steamers" to preface a news story. "Schiavo Fingerblasting" anyone?

What would you like to see some major news outlets print or say?

Slack Link of the Day: The New Yorker's actually got a pretty funny piece in the latest issue, The Wisdom of Children. I like it.

Slack Video of the Day: Remember that dude who lived out of his car for a week for that series of Nissan mershes? Well, here he is getting mistaken for Napolean Dynamite on the red carpet at Ron Jeremy's birthday party. More importantly, Ron Jeremy's birthday party has a red carpet? Man, that's one awesome Jew.

Slack Song of the Day: I'm feelin' a bit of the ol' Antibalas Afrobeat Orchestra this morning -- here's a strong show of theirs from Brooklyn's Southpaw on 4/21/2006.

25 Comments:

At 10:46 AM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

Not only is it awesome to hear "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" from news analysts, it's awesome that that phrase could end up plastered all over con-law text books for centuries to come. Some day "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" may be just as much a part of the law school lexicon as "Hairy Hand" and "Arthur Murray Dance Studio Gold Package member."

 
At 11:04 AM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

Felching Christiane Amanpour?

 
At 11:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Support the troops, shave yer Bush"

 
At 11:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"What would A.J. Soprano do?"

 
At 12:12 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

"I heard you sucked your mom's dick"

 
At 12:15 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Don, do you mean "I heard you jizzed on your mom's dick and she wiped it back on yours..." -- I read that on a bumper zticka once.

Okay, this is gonna break down very quickly. All that non-street cred I built up with the news stations is gonna be gone in 3...2...1.

 
At 12:21 PM, Blogger Sisto said...

The best part of that article is the line that links to the video:

(Watch why "bong hits" are on the court's plate Video)

Now, who wants to skip out of work and go pull tubes?

 
At 12:42 PM, Blogger Alex Fritz said...

My Cock Is Invinsible.

 
At 1:14 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

"Ranger pulls missing boyscout out of hole, unties gag"

 
At 1:25 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Purdue beats Arizona in first round of tourney, student body electrified

 
At 1:28 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

"Bush confronted by Iraqi prostitutes, asked to pull out"

 
At 1:39 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Matty, what happened here, what did this degenerate into in your head there? All of a sudden this became a fake headlines for real news contest -- but whatever, you're on a roll, so run with it. Gimme 10 more...

 
At 1:51 PM, Blogger Chilly Jackwater said...

"Rivera goes down and in on A-Rod"

 
At 1:51 PM, Blogger Chilly Jackwater said...

"...and just like that, Derek Jeter's career is over."

 
At 2:05 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

It was easier for me to come up with fake headlines for real news rather than just creating something fake altogether. I am not creative enough to do that.

"Phish reunites; Ace Cowboy fellates self"

 
At 2:35 PM, Blogger rainmansuite said...

dude that:

Purdue beats Arizona in first round of tourney, student body electrified

link was fucking hysterical.

 
At 2:53 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Student dies on field trip, blame immediately laid on Black Mountains

 
At 2:59 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Racist! We don't do racism around here. You're outta here.

 
At 5:41 PM, Blogger The Sarcasticynic said...

Maybe the kid should claim he left off part of the sign. It should have said, "Bong Hits 4, Jesus 9."

 
At 1:22 AM, Anonymous Handstand the Elder said...

monkey boner

 
At 9:02 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

For the record, the "Bongs Hits 4, Jesus 9" comment is my favorite of the week. Not that it's a contest. I love all my kids equally and all that. But that got me good.

"You got me good, you fucker." --Rod Farva

 
At 11:53 AM, Anonymous Jim said...

"Cheney blasts Condie's cinnamon ring"

 
At 2:25 PM, Blogger misterlister said...

Ejaculate the Wiz hi skoo kidz

 
At 11:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bong Hits for Jeus (The Song)
Dr BLT
words and music by Dr BLT (c) 2007
http://www.drblt.net/music/bongHITS4.mp3

 
At 8:08 PM, Blogger The Sarcasticynic said...

Glad to have brought a chuckle!

 

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