Monday, April 02, 2007

It's Heeeeeeere

With the Family Justai in town from Ohio (TJ in NY?), a group of us took our out-of-town friends and their seven-year-old daughter to the planet-themed Mars 2112 eatery on Broadway last night. Good times.

Upon returning home, all I wanted to do was catch a glimpse of Opening Day Eve, our first taste of real, actual baseball in 2007 that counts in the standings. But no beisbol could be found on ESPN, which meant no HD: They were showing the Mets/Cardinals NLCS re-match on ESPN2. What balls on these people, even on the women that work there. I think I speak cleverly when I say, "What the Deuce?"

Opening Night Baseball doesn't take precendence over a barnburning Rutgers/LSU game that ended 59-35? I mean, I can understand downgrading Opening Day Eve to Deuce Status if the Worldwide Leader wanted to show LSU's old head coach munching player box on national television, but relegating it for any old women's semifinal? Where's G.O.B. Bluth when you need'm? C'mon! That is seriously wrong and ridiculous. I almost feel like I'm owed an apology.

Well, last night's shenanigans aside, the real Opening Day comes at us fast and furious today. We're about 75 minutes away from what I consider to be the real New Year's Day, and I almost wish this were 2002 again. That year I got laid off from my job at 9 am on Opening Day and I spent the entire afternoon and evening watching five games on ESPN, one on YES and one on whatever channel the Mets were on at the time. Talk about the best day of your life, getting laid off was the greatest thing that contributed to my baseball-related sloth.

Three things are guaranteed to get the crowd crowin' around here: religion, politics and baseball. It used to be just those first two that you never talk about in a bar, but if you check out some of the Slack posts surrounding the sport, you'll find comments coming out every which way. So in order to get the blood boiling today, here are my predictions for the upcoming season -- I'd like to see what youse have as well, so weigh in below with a comment or two:

AL East: Los Yankees (2. Blue Jays, 3. Sawx)
AL Central: Tigers (2. Injuns, 3. ChiSox)
AL West: Angels (2. Rangers, 3. A's)
Wild Card: Blue Jays (2. Sawx, 3. Injuns)

NL East: Braves (2. Mets, 3. Phils)
NL Central: Brewers (2. Cards, 3. Cubs)
NL West: Diamondbacks (2. Dodgers, 3. Giants)
Wild Card: Mets (2. Cards, 3. Phils)

AL Cy Young: Johan Santana (2. Pettitte, 3. Halladay)
AL MVP: Travis Hafner (2. Vlad, 3. Abreu)
AL Rookie: Alex Gordon (T2. Delmon Young, Dice-K)

NL Cy Young: 'Los Zambrano (2. Webb, 3. Oswalt)
NL MVP: Jose Reyes (2. Pujols, 3. Rickie Weeks)
NL Rookie: Troy Tulowitzki (2. Chris Young, 3. Pelfrey)

NLCS: Braves over Mets in 6
ALCS: Yankees over Tigers in 7
World Series: Yankees over Braves in 5

I really shoulda had the balls to pick the Texas Rangers to win the Series, considering Buck Showalter left them last year (and we all know what happens the year after he leaves a team), but I couldn't look at that pitching staff and say, "Yeah, they'll win it for sure." If I were a Rangers fan, Millwood and Padilla as my one-two starters would make me want to puke and shit at the same time. Sorry.

What say you, beisbol fans? Let's hear it...

Slack Link of the Day: Vermont secession? It could happen.

Slack Headline of the Day: Does it get any better than this Smoking Gun story? "The Hair Club for Men recently hired a private detective to videotape ex-clients as they entered a rival follicle replacement business staffed by two of its former workers." Not bloody likely.

Slack Video of the Day: It's a big week for Ace sports, with Opening Day followed by two days of mid-week Champions League football. Only eight teams remain in the hunt for the European club championship, and my Liverpool squad looks to be in great shape and top form. The Reds even pounded rival Arsenal this weekend, drubbing the Gooners 4-1 on the strength of a Beanpole Peter Crouch hat trick. That's quite a lengthy trick.

The halogen lamp of a striker netted three fucking beautiful goals with three different parts of his lanky body, and he validated my belief that he belongs with the Reds and the English squad next year. Here's the Gangly Handful's first goal, his second goal, and finally, let's take a look at the completion of his tall hat trick:

For more on Liverpool's Arse-raping of Arsenal, check out my trusted companions over at Oh You Beauty and The Red Cauldron.

As I noted on OYB this morning, I'm loving the play of the recently acquired Liverpool defender Alvaro Arbeloa. I says: "You know that scene in Waiting for Guffman when things are going so well for Dr. Pearl that he's now questioning whether he wasted time as a dentist instead of being an actor forever? Anyone else feeling that way about Arbeloa on the defensive line? He's impressed me so much that I'm wondering whether Liverpool could be in the title hunt had he been fit and on our squad the entire season. He's floored me in all of his big-time performances."

Slack Song of the Day: Since I'm rightly feelin' the Benevento/Russo Duo this morning, that's what we're gonna get -- here's Sunny's Song, Soba and Mephisto from 12/28/06.

And as it turns out, Mars is just as expensive as New York...craisins.


At 12:40 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Being a Sox fan, I don't have a problem with your predictions regarding the standings in the AL East, or in the playoffs and the other lofty predictions you made, but Pettite coming in second for the AL Cy Young? Good God. You should be laid off again just for making that statement.

At 2:02 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Palabras...consider 'em marked.

At 2:58 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Doesn't that last picture somehow violate the terms of your probation/parole?

At 3:41 PM, Anonymous Rashid Z. Muhammad said...

- Count me as a Georgian who like what he read about the people in Vermont.

- I obligatorily have to root for Oakland and Atlanta in the Series but I like your picks outside of the Mets. Their pitching staff is like a house of cards. I'd rather throw the Cubs fans a bone.

- Come on man Millwood and Padilla aren't that bad as long as they are healthy. Yeah I know that's a big "if" (especially with Padilla, and that park) but speculation is a game of ifs.

At 5:53 AM, Blogger Boxcar Fritz said...

Your next World Series champs? The University of Florida.

At 9:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great picture Uncle Slade!!

-Mrs. TJinNY


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