Monday, April 23, 2007

A Quick Beisbol Rant

What a shitshow up in Boston this weekend...Hey, who's pitching the Yanks' next game, Moe with the gimpy leg?

By the cock of Zeus, what the hell is going on with this staff? Are we really expecting big things out of Andy Eugene Buttchin and four dudes that may or may not be working at Bennigan's six months from now (or Benihana in Kei Igawa's case)?

But I want to wish a hearty congratulations to my Sawx fan friends: You bested our swordsman and our giant this time. The problem is, it's still only April, and now the team heads to Yankee HQ in Tampa for a series with the Rays. Is there any real doubt that this weekend's injurious and insulting debacle is gonna force the Hand that Rocks the Clemens? Big Stein can't like that three-game result, and if he still has any mental faculties at all, which is currently up for debate, he's cutting a fat check sometime soon and #22 is coming back to the Bronx. Mark those palabras. And it's all because of you, Sawx fans.

I mean, is there anything more disgusting than Manny Ramirez's head? I'd rather shit in a pair of tighty whities and wear 'em all day than be in the same room as that clownish 'do. I'm pretty sure I said this last season sometime (possibly after the five-game sweep, possibly after he made up an injury and shut'r down for the season), but he couldn't look any more like a 13-year-old American girl that just returned from the Caribbean -- like ohmigosh, I got my hair braided and I rode a jetski! That's Manny: a girl on vacation.

And congrats as well on lowering your standards to fake a city-wide lovefest -- Beckett and Dice-K both leave to thunderous standing ovations from the Saturday and Sunday crowds, having only given up a total of 11 runs (10 earned), 17 hits and three walks in their efforts. I mean, I'm all for cheering on your boys, but that reminded me of the scene in Arrested Development when Lindsay hangs up Maeby's C+ test score on the fridge.

Well, the Wanger's coming back, and we've still got a long way to go before the season ends with us on the outside looking in. But, shit man, those Os and Jays are heating up, a four team race to the top. I got dibs on top bunk.

Slack Link of the Day: This story broke last week, but I forgot to post it here -- apparently the Chinese are just as racist as the Klan:

"A couch labeled as 'nigger-brown' got its offensive name from a bad translation program, according to the furniture's supplier. When users enter "dark brown" in Chinese in older versions of the Kingsoft program, its spits out the n-bomb. Newer versions don't, but if you type the slur in English, 'dark brown' shows in Chinese." Crassic.

Slack Video and Song of the Day: Ohhhhhhh to be Prince Caspian: This video actually has a naked guy running across the stage at about 2:40. Naked guy -- excellent butt! Carini's gonna gitcha.

5 Comments:

At 2:01 PM, Anonymous Matty Mac said...

I was at the game last night, sitting front row on the Sox dugout, and Manny's hair is even more disgusting up close and personal. Around the 6th inning or so, Manny was standing about 6 feet from my friend Paul and I, when Paul quipped "Manny looks like fucking Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean, is there a parrot in the dugout?", which is probably the best description you can give of it. I half expect a live snake to slither it's way out of his hat in between innings.

I think the cheers for both Beckett and Dice-K weren't so much for their great performances, but more for the fact that they each struck out the top 4 batters in the lineup 6 times. And, they each settled down and took care of business when they got the leads back.

On a similar note......I guess they are starting a tradition for games that Dice-K starts at home. The tradition is handing out "Daniel-San" style headbands with Japanese writing and a Japanese flag emblazoned across it. It is supposed to show "support" for out Eastern-born friends, but I wonder what Dice-K and Okajima think about it. I mean, is it racist for us to assume that all Japanese people wear these things? 30,000 some odd white people wearing headbands in support of a Japanese guy jsut doesn't sound right to me. Of course, I wore mine for a few innings. Then I realized what a douche bottle I looked like.

Has anyone taken odds on how long it is before Scott Proctor's arm is gonna fall off? I say 6 more weeks.

 
At 2:47 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Captain Jack Sparrow...perfect! He's also starting to resemble George Clinton. Mersh, lay off the pipe, Manny Ramirez is here!

 
At 3:00 PM, Blogger Boxcar Fritz said...

"Carini's gonna gitcha."

I havent heard that line in nearly a full half score. Thanks, Ace.

 
At 3:19 PM, Anonymous Dorsey said...

I'm far from torn up about this weekend's events. Yanks were outscored by 1, 2 and 1 run in a 3 game series in which (on paper) they were supposed to get manhandled. They win Friday night's game 9 out of 10 times (9.5 after May 1) and last night's 4 HR inning was a joke. That being said, I'm growing increasingly concerned with a few things:
1. Why have we never been able to sign a back up catcher with a better than zero chance of getting a hit with his eyes open? And why do we decide to keep one guy because he's a "superior defender" (Nieves) when it's clear the comparison is being made to a retarded child, not his competition.
2. Tough to manage a bullpen when your starters only give you 5 inningsā€¦ that being said, not keeping Proctor in Friday's game for more than the 2 big outs and 9 total pitches he threw with a 4-run lead, and then pitching him both Saturday AND Sunday, is egregious. If this keeps up, Torre will ruin what I believe - if used correctly - is their 2nd best relief pitcher and one of the better relievers in the AL.
3. Torre has to, has to, has to, HAS TO stop pinch running for Giambi in the 7th inning of every game. It hurts them more often than not. There exists no logical explanation for pinch running Thompson with a 4-run lead Friday night. Not one. You knew as soon as he did it, Giambi's spot would come up again in an important situation.
4. Torre will have to realize at some point that Proctor and Bruney (yes, Brian Bruney) are the two guys who have to be in the game when outs are needed, be it in the 6th, 7th or 8th inning. Other than when Proctor is overused (which is just about always), these two guys are the most fearless, aggressive arms they have in the pen outside of Mo. They both throw mid to high 90's, both have an above average pitch or 2 other than their fastball (regardless of what Joe Morgan says), and would both rather get their best crushed than give a free pass. I can't watch another guy throw Manny 4 straight sliders wide of the outside corner after starting him 0-2. I just can't.

 
At 4:17 PM, Blogger Lozo said...

was "moe with the gimpy leg" an indirect reference to Home Alone? i don't even know who you are anymore.

 

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