Thursday, April 19, 2007

T. Bone Pickens

Let's turn down the lights and get serious for one second...then we'll return to our usual culture of dickheadedness and shitfaceosity.

So a couple people have expressed minor outrage about my posting of the Richard McBeef YouTube videos. I honestly don't get that outrage, and I thnk it's a bit misplaces. I feel nothing but sorrow for the victims of the VT tragedy and their families, and a more serious off-the-blog Ace has been dying a little inside every time he tries to wrap his head around this horrific massacre (third person, allllright).

Interestingly, I usually hate stories that get beat to death in the news cycle, stories like this one. But this story is grabbing me for some reason. Like many of you, I don't understand the impulse to kill. At all. I don't get the impulse to commit assault, even, or spit on anyone, or anything like that. So, to me, this is a window into a tortured soul, a soul I will never be able to comprehend as long as I live. That explains my fascination at least; I can't speak for anyone else.

But my default defense mechanism is humor. It may be a character flaw, but it's my character nonetheless. C'mon, you gotta be able to find something funny to pick you out of the bad news doldrums. And you gotta be able to make fun of this kid and his shitty works of literature, instead of glorifying him like has been done for two days.

Anyway, most people are lined up against NBC's decision to air the kid's videos, and the network's a legitimate target for gripes. One dude on the Phish message board just wrote a hilarious paragraph about the subject, and I thought I'd share:

Worst part about this fuck is that he's really NOT EVEN INTERESTING. His *manifesto* can suck a little rice dick. You're not jesus. You are a slimy green pig cunt, youre nobody, thats why no one liked you. Your writing sucks, and is the obvious byproduct of a kid who wanted to get his weenie fondled and his bum-bum pounded by his stepfather.

But how is it in poor taste to link to some videos that are taking this kid down a peg? I'm not sure. I'd like some help from youse.

That's all I want to say on the subject. But if you'd like to pick a bone with me, or rather, if you've got a bone to pick, you know where to find me. Comment away below. I'm your huckleberry.

Slack Celebration of the Day: I didn't want to jinx it, so I held off 'til the completion of the sweep: But the New York Rangers have officially swept the Atlanta Someones. I mean, seriously, Atlanta has a hockey team? Didn't the Flames leave for a reason? More hockey in the South? Take care, Thrashers, the Blueshirts are done with you. Hard to believe, by the way, that I haven't been to a playoff hockey game in 13 years. Thirteen years! I miss 1994. What's hockey?

Slack Videos of the Day: And now for some videos that'll make youse either laugh or think. Or thinklaugh. Or laughtink. Or laughejaculateinyourpants. One of those.

--Our man Rashid forwarded over this clip of Japanese Air Sex. No, no, it's not a montage from the Nipponese Mile High Club, it's basically air guitar with sexual positions, but it's twice as funny, because they're air-fucking. And that's classy. (Rashid also has a really interesting take on the VT aftermath and the thought police that's worth reading...)

--Sticking with the Japanese, here's a hilarious video of a bull-like mound charge and a coward pitcher. I'd probably do the same. So much for kamikaze.

--This one clearly lacks some old-timey British blooper music, but at the same time it contains some fantastic gaffes that'll make your day. Peer into the eyes of fishing show bloopers.

And we'd like to wish a very happy 32nd birthday to Red Cowboy, the bestest broham on Earf. Shit man, soon you'll be Gray Cowboy.


At 12:15 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

Mad at you for posting the "Richard McBeef" Theater Hour? No way. If anything, I'm appalled you haven't made any jokes linking the massacre to a culture that eats dogs.

At 12:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

how bout holding a photoshop contest? where we replace the hammer in that one picture with things like air freshner? or a mcdonalds cap and spactula? is that wrong?

At 12:27 PM, Blogger Boxcar Fritz said...

Yeah, Ace... I figured you'd have a "HE WAS SPEAKING... ASIAN" joke up the hour this story broke. I, for one, commend your restraint.

I cant wait til I get to hell so I can tell that little douchebag he's an absolute ass clown with a lisp, bad skin, and no talents to lend to the written word whatsoever. then i will form a clique and pick on him.

As always, I learn nothing.

At 12:42 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I know, I'm trying to cut down on the casual racism 'round here since a bunch of fucking hypocrites cornered me last weekend.

I was gonna write that the McBeef videos were "Crassic." Does that count?

At 12:46 PM, Anonymous Richard McBeef said...

It's true, Ace is not only against violence, he doesn't even understand it. He doesn't like to roughhouse. In fact, he was one of the first people to speak out against roughhousing.

At 12:57 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

Does this mean that this entire time you've been using the term 'CRAISINS', it was actually a casually racist version of the word 'CLAISINS'??? I am apparred.

At 1:29 PM, Blogger Boxcar Fritz said...


At 2:11 PM, Blogger Sisto said...

I had a nice to semi-nice long talk with my mother last night about the VT tragedy and how people are blaming VT and the policia for not reacting fast enough. We had a similiar incident at PSU when I was there when some chick hid in a bush with a rifle and started trying to pick people off. Luckily, she was just a fugly ROTC chick and a bad shot to boot and some drama major cashed in his 15 minutes and took her out. It was sad that she killed someone, and tragic, no doubt. But like Chris Rock said,

"What ever happened to CRAZY?!?!"

Crazy people do crazy shit. You can't predict it. Hence the term, mentally unstable.

What was I talking about?

At 2:43 PM, Anonymous Rashid Z. Muhammad said...

I provide you with air sex goodness and you shit on the Atlanta Crowes? You rat bastard!

At 2:58 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

Devil: You were sent here for shooting up Virginia Tech.

Guy: Shit, I thought it was "Vilginia" Tech. My bad, Rucifer.

At 3:06 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

which raises the point that if he thought it was 'Vilginia' Tech, he likely would have pronounced it correctly....

At 3:08 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

You'd think he'd have been caught up though if someone said, "Oh, Virgina Tech, down in Blacksburg." He'd respond, "Uh, no, it's in Bracksburg."

This is getting harder and harder to figure out.

At 5:13 PM, Blogger Sisto said...

...and then he jumps out from behind the mine cart and yells, "Suppries!"

At 12:18 PM, Blogger Lozo said...

i could care less about your racist material. what do i care about is you backing off it because some people cornered you.

i'm picturing you in a corner, back to the wall, sliding down slowly while someone from every face slowly closes in.

stick to your guns. give me some racism. it's what i'm here for.

At 12:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm speechless


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