Monday, May 21, 2007

My Mother, The Director (y futbol)

My mother called me yesterday inviting me to the elementary school production she's been charged with patiently directing. The woman's genuinely the nicest, sweetest, most generous person on this planet, and yet the following conversation still ensued:

Mom Cowboy: "It's not Broadway, obviously, but it's something. You know, some of them are really good, some of them are retarded. Everyone tried out and I tried to get everyone involved. There are special ed kids in the play."

Ace Cowboy: "Oh, so when you said 'some of them are retarded' you meant that some of them are actually retarded?"

MC: "Yes! It's a riot, it really us. The lead is hilarious, he's great, and some of the other ones are pretty good, too...and then there are a bunch of kids that aren't so good. I have one Chinese kid that doesn't know he's retarded. One kid has Tourette's. It's going to be hysssssterical, you're gonna laugh in your chair the whole time.

AC: "That does sound fairly unmissable. I'll try my best."

I really want to put in for a press pass so I can live blog this thing. I hope Tourette's Kid has a big part in Greased Lightning.

It's Kak√°! It's Gerrard! It's midfielders looking lovingly into each other's eyes and holding a ball! It's the UEFA Champions League final!

This homoeroticism ends at 2:30 EST when AC Milan looks for revenge against Liverpool for the greatest comeback in European history, the night the Reds overcame a 3-0 deficit to defeat the I-tals on penalties. I doubt this one will be the scorcher it was in 2005, but it's the last meaningful soccer game involving an English side we'll watch 'til August, and coincidentally it's a Scouse Special. I started the season at the Red Lion, I'll end it in the same spot.

I think we're in for far less than six goals in this one, but let's look back at Istanbul for a look at total fucking awesomeness:

For a more in-depth view of the final, let's check in with our good friends over at That's On Point. I like Liverpool 2-1. Mark 'em.


At 9:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

GreaseD Lightning? My whole life has been a sham!

At 12:16 PM, Blogger Some Dude said...

I think your mom deserves to have a weekly post on this here blog - that whole exchange was comedy gold.

What I want to know is how the Chinese kid doesn't know he's retarded. Please follow up with her and get back to us.

At 4:46 PM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

Will you be bringing a video camera to the production? You-tube needs this play. Careful though. I have two friends that had their cable access show cancled for covering a Chris Burke concert as breaking news. Yeah, you can get kicked off of cable access.

At 7:12 PM, Anonymous ayatollah applesauce said...

maybe they keep on telling him he's retarded in english, so he doesn't understand. or maybe he doesn't understand because he's retarded.
it's the classic lose-woose scenario


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